Where Have You Been?

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In a sing-song type of way I ask myself this question? Oh where, oh where have you been? I have been looking for you but haven’t been able to find you. Where could you possibly be? The scary thing is I have been lost some where deep inside of me? You see this disease or syndrome if you please, had kept me locked away in a place I could not see. It is scary in this place, and often very lonely. I would cry out for help but all I could hear were the echo’s from the empty room.
This is what happens with fibromyalgia. It takes you places you never knew existed and it leaves you there, fighting a clawing trying to find your way back. It tears at your confidence, your cognition, your mobility, and plain vulnerabilities. It magnifies the hurts and the pain to an octave you couldn’t imagine, it takes you to your breaking point and makes you stare at it for a while and ever so lightly pushes you over the edge. Now you’re falling through life about to hit terminal velocity, you try and catch yourself to no avail.
The sad part is how easily you become accustomed to your new normal. You think you have tried it all, the fad diets, miracle pills, as much exercise as you can handle. You know just about all of it, and none if it has worked! You find your hope fading faster than the lights in a movie theater. I know just how easy it is to want to give in and call it quits. But, I have found joy, not happiness because it fades. I have found true joy, while I struggle to walk constantly in it I know its source. And that source it Jesus Christ. Don’t flee just yet. I’m not saying he is going to cure all of my ails, however, I know in Him I can have joy and peace. I’m told I am going to suffer as a Christian, and maybe this is part of the mantle I have to bare with. The Apostle Paul had a thorn in his side he longed to have removed, the Lord however did not take it away from him.
Things in life won’t always be easy. Being a husband, father, student, small group leader, etc., all have their place, and all of them have been effected by this disease/syndrome in one way or another. The only way I succeed at any of this is through the power of Christ and him crucified. Then I find my way back not to who I once was but at least to whom’s I am. This is where I have been and following Christ is where I am going.

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